The Night of Ultimate Satisfaction
I have visited many temples in my life but more than that I have visited palaces and zamindar houses. If you want to know the reason, I must say that the history hidden in every brick of a palace or a zamindar house is what I get when I visit them. But today I will talk about a zamindar house which I have never visited or visited. I am explaining in detail how I happened to have an affair in my life with that zamindar house. After my very bad result in maths subject in class nine when my parents were very worried about me, somehow my father found a teacher who taught maths subject and he taught with responsibility to pass the student in maths subject anyway. To be honest I never got double digit marks in maths subject so I had no hope that anyone would pass me in this subject but since dad looked for a teacher I couldn’t say no because I had no other option. So I was forced to go to that teacher. The most surprising thing is when he finished teaching me for a whole year, I got a confidence that I can pass this maths subject even if not very much and with that confidence I passed with good marks in maths subject. Then I felt an emotional bond with that teacher who felt that he could do anything, so I used to study from him. And gradually I became a member of his house almost because when I used to go to his house and when my teacher would call me to teach so when I had to go to his house no one would think of me separately.
Now let me introduce my teacher a little bit. This teacher is a son of zamindar house. Like other zamindar houses this house also has a great history but I don’t know why this teacher or other members of his family did not tell us anything about the history of this house. Only sometimes I heard from them that people who live in this house can’t progress and they suffer from some kind of problem in life although I didn’t believe that much but I found a lot of similarities with my teacher’s personal life and I didn’t know why. Suffered from a lot of depression although I didn’t know the real reason then. There was a brother he was not in the house much except at night and he had an old lady who could not speak much and the teacher himself lived this was his family ie only these three people lived in such a big house. I can say with certainty that our teacher, the eldest son of a zamindar house, could not say for sure how many houses they had in a zamindar house, at least 250 to 300 houses they had and many of the houses were closed from outside and no one knew that What is inside the house. Not that we weren’t curious at all but whenever we curiously went near those closed rooms the teacher somehow saw us and scolded us not to go near those closed rooms again. I don’t know why I noticed a fear in every member of this family that fear is in their every hereditary tradition I explain that every Durga Puja every person from their house who are settled in Kolkata or abroad also come but I notice a negativity about this house among them. Maybe I didn’t understand that much because I was young, but I realized later that it would be better.
Then came those fifteen days of my life which I may never forget in my life. I can clearly remember when I was in class XI and there were regular trips to the teacher’s house again although it would be wrong to say regular because when Sir used to call me to his house many times even when Sir was not there he would see me so that I could not sit in his house and study. In this way, sometimes I used to stay at Sir’s house for two or three days. When my teacher was not at home i.e. he was away for his personal needs, he used to say that the reason I stayed at his house was because he knew that his elderly mother would benefit greatly if I were there. That is, there is a lot of benefit in its care. One day the teacher called me separately and said Tanmoy you don’t need to go home for fifteen days you will stay at my house and see grandma. I knew that if I stayed at the teacher’s house, I would be given much better food, so I agreed without a second thought. I moved from my house to the teacher’s house with all my necessary things because I knew I would have to stay here for 15 days. So I went to my teacher’s house with all the clothes and other things needed for these few days.
My teacher’s old mother, who could not hear but could see a little, was very happy when she came to know that I had come and gave me some food. I used to talk very little with this woman because she couldn’t understand what I was saying and I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say so we had very little talk but we had a lot of love because she loved me so much. And from time to time he would let me eat different foods. Two days after I arrived, my teacher left for Bangalore, but he called me as he was planning to go there for a function at a relative’s house so that I could take care of his mother. While leaving, he gave me some money and caressed me and said take care of Grandma, I will come soon. I respected my teacher very much because he once saved me from danger. Because if he didn’t help me with math at that time, I might not have progressed very far in my studies. So I got a little upset and I said yes sir I will take care of grandma. You too take care. Then he left, I followed him a lot, then after a while he disappeared. I had many talented students in my teaching career once he went to do cost accounting in Calcutta but even then he couldn’t do anything special not because he was not in economic condition but despite being a child of a well-to-do family I don’t know why he always suffered from confusion. Although I tried hard to understand the reason for this, it was because his family was quite well-to-do, but I could never discover what he thought about all day. However, if a stranger saw him, he would have assumed that the teacher was crazy, because his nature was almost crazy, but he was very good as a person. I had only one brother of this teacher whom I have already mentioned who used to stay during the day I don’t know where he might be out for some work late at night and would come to bed and go to work again in the morning ie he didn’t have much connection with the house. He only came home to sleep and had nothing to do with the house in any way. That means from now on there will be only two animals in the whole house, the first one is me and the second one is the old mother of the teacher i.e. my grandmother.
These days my routine was morning I wake up and start studying and grandma cooks some food for me then I go to school. And while going to school grandma cooks me food and after school grandma gives me food again and after dinner I study a little bit and go to bed early this is my routine actually my studies reduced a lot after coming here because there was someone to tell me No, Grandma was busy all the time just to cook food for me. It seemed to her that her only job in this universe is to cook for me and there is no other job for her. At first I thought that if I don’t study then grandma might scold me but I saw nothing like that as if she could feed me all the time. He lives and has no headache about anything else. A few days passed like this and then one day I came back from school and was resting in my room when I heard a noise from outside. I thought maybe grandma was calling me but then I realized a female voice called my name or something. Trying to say something slowly. This zamindar house was so huge in size that one of its rooms was equal to 4-5 rooms i.e. even after keeping all its own utensils it seemed like a whole football field was lying here and if someone spoke even slowly here he seemed to be shouting. That is, echoes of words could be heard. When I heard someone’s voice from the door, I went out slowly, it was already a little late in the evening, I got a little startled because I saw a woman, but I couldn’t understand how this woman got in here. The woman seemed to be slightly older than me, at least 17 or 18. And he wears a red cloth that shows nothing from his hair to his toenails. I have also grown up in the village but that is why I have never seen that a village woman can have so much shame, that is, I have seen the women of my house or the women of our village wear a veil but I have never seen such an unusual veil in a Hindu family. A large number of gold ornaments on his hands and neck, though I could not say for sure whether they were of gold or other metals, I could only guess that they were very heavy. There is an aristocracy in everything but there is no modernity in this aristocracy i.e. this aristocracy like we used to see in the movies 150 to 200 years ago. First of all she is not supposed to be here and secondly I could not understand who and under what identity she came into the house because at the moment the entire maintenance of the house is pretty much on me and without my knowledge such an outsider woman has come straight to the house. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, I said a little more strongly why you came here. I said this very loudly but he said in a slow natural voice that I am Rina Didi. I thought I wonder where this Rina didi came from again. I want to rest. No one is letting me rest. I said who are you? I have never heard of anyone like that. Where do you come from and let you in or what is here? Then the woman made various gestures to summarize the answer she gave, what stands out is that she is a distant relative of my teacher who has come here in danger and will stay for a few days. I was in great danger because how can I let such a stranger stay in my house. It’s been almost three to four years since I never heard anyone coming like Rina Didi. So I didn’t believe that this lady was a relative of sir so I told Ruddhshwar a little bit look I am not the one to let you stay here you have to talk to my teacher or talk to her mother or else you leave here because I have never seen you, how can I understand that you are relative of my sir. She replied with a little smile and said hey you have nothing to fear I am here to talk to your teacher and you have no reason to worry because I have not been here for a long time so you have not seen me and left me and entered the house. I realized that this woman is conservative in terms of clothing but not so much in terms of use, that is, she can be as strong as she needs to be and get her work done. I was very helpless and confused and thought that if someone is not one’s relative, then one cannot come to another person’s house like that. I then thought that once I spoke to Grandma, I went to Grandma’s house and saw that Grandma had a very high fever. Thinking about how to talk to her and what I should do then I decided to go to the drug store and get some medicine for grandma. From the money my teacher gave me, I brought some medicine for grandma and fed grandma some food and gave the medicine. Already Grandmother speaks very little after fever, she seems to have forgotten to speak at all and always lies down and does not speak to anyone. For these few days, the stranger named Rina Didi is making all kinds of food for me, so I don’t have any doubts about her anymore, like I’m going to get my work done, and that’s it. After a few days, the teacher will come and I’ll go home. The teacher will understand the matter. Saying this, I also remained silent.
I have become very friendly with that Rina didi in these few days. Rina didi asks me about my house but the strange thing is when I ask Rina didi about her house she avoids me with some reason even though I could understand that it is her personal. She didn’t want to talk to me so I didn’t insist. When I asked her about her house she said my house is far away from here you have never heard my name there I am strange that if a man asks someone his house address, he should say but why don’t Rina didi always talk about her house Or always wants to avoid the past she left behind. One day I also asked Rina Didi what the problem in your home is why did you come here do you need some financial help she laughed she said I came to my home again what is the help here I think as long as I stay at home your teacher can not also tell me anything. With this she began to give a laugh. I have been joking with Rina Didi for these few days and she has also been joking with me but the strange thing is that I have never seen her face till today. I don’t know why I felt like I was talking to a ghost. After the teacher left I used to go to school regularly even though I didn’t study regularly but after Rina didi came to that school I don’t know why I got shut down as if I was always close to Rina di like a strange smell came from Rina’s body when it came to my nose I’m going crazy. At that time I was not quite a man but reached the threshold of youth so I realized that I was getting attracted to Rina Didi i.e. I could not avoid her physical attraction. I was always crazy about her i.e. I don’t know why I was thinking about him all the time and the strange thing was that whenever I thought about him she came to me like that. Thus the closeness grew between us and we started coming closer to each other. After Rina Didi came, I usually don’t enter Grandma’s house anymore, only Rina didi said about her that she is sick, she is sleeping. Hearing this I did not ask any more questions because I was so enamored with Rina Didi that I had no time to think about anyone else. Reena didi sometimes slapped my face for no reason causing every sense in my body to wake up and my desire for her intensified. Sometimes while feeding me, she would stand in such a way that half of her body would rub against my body, which made me feel so happy and feel like embracing Rina Didi completely. But I could not dare to get up. I was so crazy about Rina Didi’s body that I thought about her all the time. I felt that everything in this world is a failure except Rina didi I forgot my studies I forgot my teacher or teacher’s mother or my family I felt only one thing in the world to find Rina didi everything else is trivial. Right at evening time Rina Didi used to bring me Muri mixed with Chanachur and other ingredients to make it absolutely delicious and I would eat it and also play Ludo with Rina Didi. But the trouble is I could never lose to Rina. Rina didi used to beat me in ludo game all the time.
I wasn’t too bad at playing ludo, but I could never win with Rina Didi despite trying so hard. I mean in these few days I felt like I was losing from him for a long time. That day he suddenly said if you can win with me then I will give you whatever you want. Even though I knew I had no chance of winning with him, I agreed with her and somehow, I won the game that day. I couldn’t believe that I could win against her, in fact when she played his speed was so devastating that I couldn’t believe that anyone could ever win against her. I couldn’t find anything other than some control. She didn’t seem too sad to lose, rather she seemed overjoyed. Although I didn’t understand the reason at that time, so I asked if you lost now say what I say you have to do. She happily said tell me what you want I will do. I lost all sense of purpose I had no connection with reality I pulled her close to me without saying a word and started kissing her. I hugged her tightly and her breasts rubbed against my chest. I was drunk with sheer pleasure and caressed her as much as I wanted and she opened herself for me without any protest. I became disoriented with the first joys of youth and forgot everything and became one with her. Outside it was raining heavily and inside our minds was blowing even more gale force. When I regained consciousness in the morning, I realized that someone was knocking on the door, meaning to open the door. I realized my teacher was standing outside and shouting for me to open the door I was very scared, and I was completely unclothed so I took some time and slowly walked towards the door. I opened the door and saw the teacher looking at me with a smile on his face and holding several things in his hand, it was clear that he had brought them for me from outside. I started to pretend that nothing happened, but I started to think that Rina Didi was with me where did she go maybe she went towards the kitchen these thoughts were going through my mind when I saw a grandmother coming towards me. Dida came and told my teacher that she did not know why she had not eaten anything for several days. I was surprised to hear that she was not eating, and I kept wondering what she was talking about. I was eating food from Rina Didi’s hand for so long, suddenly what happened to Dida and Dida’s body was sick, why did she start talking, I couldn’t think of it. That’s what’s happening to me. The teacher asked me what’s wrong with you, he started to put his hand on me, I understood that he was saying that my body was sick, but I couldn’t hear anything, and I didn’t understand what happened to me. I was freaking out and listening to everyone, but I didn’t understand anything I didn’t understand that the person I was with for so long no one in this house is talking about his existence but I can talk about him what is happening to me am I going crazy Why is this happening to me? I tried very hard to say that Rina didi made food for me. Hearing this, my teacher’s face turned pale. I couldn’t understand why I had said such a wrong thing. Teacher said who are you talking about who cooked for you I said Rina didi. Now the teacher started saying that now you go home you have been away from home for a long time now go home now go home and heal a little empty I think your head is messed up staying here alone. So you are bending backwards. I couldn’t understand why they are behaving like this after hearing this Rina didi, is Rina didi seemed to an enemy of them, but Rina didi told me that they are related to her, but listening to their conversation, it seems that she does not exist, but she is their absolute. I was surprised that I understood nothing of the enemy. After that the teacher arranged to send me home. Meanwhile I became crazy to regain the joy of youth but I couldn’t find it anymore. In the dream Rina didi came to me and hugged me in the same way and gave me extreme happiness. There was no relationship, the reality was that I had lost her.
Months passed like this, I literally lost control of my brain and was taken from my home to a psychiatrist to get my ticket, and then I slowly started to recover and learned that Reena was actually Didi. No one exists. Whoever he is, he’s completely false. In reality, he doesn’t exist. He’s probably a lie. I had a dream. Either one is true. When I got well and went to the teacher I was again asking about Reena Didi who is Reena Didi I told the teacher everything but I completely suppressed the words of our extreme moment. My teacher didn’t want to say at first then after a lot of forcing he finally opened his mouth. I give a brief description of the teacher, Rina Didi, who actually had a daughter born in their family about 100 years ago and was so lust-crazy that she even had intercourse with a low caste. The nobles of the day were very bigoted and could not accept this in any way, so one night they forced Rina Didi to set her on fire and threw her body from the roof so that no one would ever know about it again. It turns out that he committed suicide. Then the teacher also said that her spirit still roams here if she sees any man outside, she loves him madly and wants to do everything with him. Hearing this I was left with no scientific knowledge, and I was very worried that either Rina Didi used me to satisfy her body hunger, or she really loved me. But it is true that Rina Didi does not exist and now she existed once but now she has no physical existence what exists is her soul that no person can have any real relation with her, so I have to forget her. It’s been almost 30 years since that incident and now I’m a middle-aged man with a daughter, so I don’t think about it anymore but I’m kind of bummed that I’ve never been face to face with a teacher. I didn’t get any details of what happened to me that day but hopefully he understood everything, so I never contacted him again out of shame. I don’t want to contact any more, but I still miss them very much. If I have time in the future, I will definitely meet them, but not in that palace. If not, I will definitely meet them outside. It has been a long time since this incident, so I almost forgot these incidents. One day I had a day off and did not go to office so suddenly one day my wife and daughter said that I am playing real Ludo. I also sat down to play Ludo with them without any thought. At that time my daughter said that father you can never lose me I said let’s see what I will do if I lose then my daughter said I will do whatever you want. Hearing this, my chest tightened as if I remembered something old or someone reminded me. At that time, I looked at my daughter and she looked at me with a crooked eye as if it was someone else. It was as if someone reminded me of those two eyes that I had seen decades ago as if I had forgotten. At that moment, I saw a blue light coming out of his eyes, maybe this was telling me some sign of my past or any symbol of my danger. (To be continued……..
